You wake up after a sleepless night.  You feel a mess.  You look a mess.  You, my friend, are a hot mess.

The fourth day of new motherhood sneaks in after a few days of optical illusions.  The first day, your baby sleeps.  She's a great sleeper! Hallelujah! What do people mean their babies don't sleep?

The second day you are feeling good. You've showered, maybe a little Sephora action on the eyes. You're so enamoured by that sweet thing, navigating the breastfeeding, the cuddling, maybe heading home from the hospital or birth center. "Let's do this!" is your mom-on-fire mantra.

Day three you feel like you should be on your feet, so let's go, Sister! Diapers here, baby there, so much laundry, and you finally can eat like a normal person again, so why not try out that new, super-complicated recipe you saw on the Food Network in the hospital?

And then, The Fourth Day.

Oh yes, you're a mess.  Your hormonal shift from Pregnant to Not Pregnant is at its peak and your body and mind are reeling from it. Everything feels hard.  Like, harder than trying to get pregnant for months. Harder than 1st trimester morning sickness.  Harder than 3rd trimester heartburn.  Way harder than labor, and that was Crazytown.  Your milk supply is trying to jam two years of milk into your breasts at once, it seems.  Your body is suddenly a foreign tomb and you wonder what purpose this stretched out cavern of yourself is supposed to serve.  And your emotions? All the emotions, all at once, all day long. You cry, you laugh, you weep, you pass out exhausted.  Repeat.

This is The Fourth Day.

Take hope, dear one.  The Fourth Day, while feeling an eternity, is but a blip.  Know that this, too, shall pass.  
Knowledge is power.  Know that this day is coming, and prepare.
 
Prepare to spend this day in bed.  Skin to skin with your baby, nursing as best you can not only soothes your little one but it soothes you. Let your body heal, let your mind rest.  Sleep the sleep of the godly, watch the Netflix marathon of your life, and be so kind to yourself. Schedule all the helpful help you can for this day.  Postpartum doula?  Yes.  Best friend to sob with?  Definitely.  Planning a visit from a lactation professional?  2:30pm on Day Four, please!  If ever there was a night for take-out this is it.  You won't regret it. ​  You, my friend, are worth this and so, so much more.

And, know that day five is just 24 hours away.  A new lease on life, a chance to try everything again with the wisdom you've gained, and baby who is one day older and ready to try again, too. 

​Because most things are worth trying once, I’ve branched out into Attempted Homeschooling with my kids.  I call it “attempted” because even after a year we are still very much trying lots of things, including finding our groove.  It’s been nuts. And fun.  But mostly nuts.  Kidding! No I’m not.
 
You might notice that I’m experiencing a bit of conflict about our journey.  I’m not embarrassed by this, not worried.  I’ve talked with my friends who have their kids in traditional school settings and I know that they experience tough transitions and conflicts as I do.  Bless all the parents. This job is cray!
 
I recently listened to a homeschooling podcast, passed on to me by a friend who is much more organized than I am when it comes to assembling her homeschool thoughts and dreams.  In it, Ainsley Arment, homeschooler and founder of the online community Wild and Free, is interviewed and asked the $1,000,000 Question: What piece of advice would you give your younger self?
 
Her answer struck me because of her use of one word: Intuition.  Ainsley’s piece of advice centered around not worrying if you, as the homeschooling parent, are doing enough.  Trust yourself to know yourself, and your kids, and what they need.  Trust that you are doing a great job and that you don’t need to stress out about this, that, and the other thing.
 
Before you get your number 2 pencils and throw them at me, know that this is not actually a persuasion piece to get you to homeschool.  What I want is for you to really get in touch with this idea of trusting your intuition.
 
Natural birth advocates often talk about how women have been birthing for a bajillion years and our bodies know what to do.  I’m a firm believer that  - no matter the birth you choose (biting a stick in the woods by yourself, or hooked up to Every Machine Ever & All The Drugs) – your intuition can be your best companion – if you’re able to tap into it.
 
Intuition, to date, has not been scientifically figured out, and this causes all sorts of trouble.
At some point our culture became fixated on trusting “the experts”, and somehow birthing women lost the title of “expert” when it came to their own bodies.
 
Similarly, as a homeschooling parent, we may encounter all sorts of thwarts as we attempt to remain the experts on our kids.  “Are you a teacher?” “I could never spend that much time with my kids!” “How do you even know they’re learning?” “It’s really hard, you know!”
 
With Ainsley’s advice, I was so encouraged to hear intuition being lauded as “enough”.  When we are in the practice of knowing ourselves (or our bodies or our kids or [insert any area where the status quo is to hand over the reins to “an expert”]) I believe our capabilities expand.  Don’t misread this as advice to eschew what anyone else, especially the experts, suggests, because they’re knowledge is important as well. But don’t be afraid to check in with yourself and what said self is saying to you. 
 
Consider the following as they pertain to your birth and early parenting decisions:
Does this test/intervention/preventative measure make sense with what I understand the circumstances to be?  If not, what information do I need to make a decision?
 
Do I feel like I have been part of the decision-making process and my voice has been heard and respected?
 
What do I feel in my gut and how does that confirm or deny the other factors of my decision making?
 
Let me give you some concrete examples.  A question that often comes up with my doula clients in prenatals is, “How will I know when it’s time to go to the hospital?”  As a doula, there are some markers that I’m on the lookout for that suggest it’s getting close to time to go. But often, it’s the birthing woman that makes a declaration, sometimes sudden, that “It’s time!”  I’ve repeatedly seen how this is spot-on, whether because the baby is very close to being born or because the shift in environment is a needed element to the labor. 
 
Here’s another example.  In talking with people about placenta encapsulation I am often asked about the evidence to its effectiveness.  To date there is no hardcore scientific evidence to convince someone that is looking for it that encapsulation is worth it.  What we do have, in addition to evidence that supports aspects of encapsulation (such as knowing that iron supplementation is helpful for fatigued women), is literally countless anecdotes of women that have ingested their placenta and experienced benefits.  Science loves to discount the experiences of women but that doesn’t make it right to do.  My intuition tells me that the experiences of so many women (myself included) regarding encapsulation make it something that is at least worth exploring.  If it’s something that speaks to you, wonderful. If it’s something that makes you gag, your tuition might be suggesting you move on.
 
Intuition will serve our parenting as well.  There are so many decisions and choices to make, though one of the most common illustrations I see has to do with baby sleep.  Have you ever read comments on chat boards that a parent tried this or that sleep method, but it was so hard and they –the parent!  - ended up in tears?  It is my strong personal conviction that there is no decision to be made in early routine parenting that should induce a parent to tears.  This is, if I may be so bold, a telltale sign that the decision bringing you to your knees is not right for your family at this time.  Don’t make the tears your bar, however.  If something still feels off to you, take a step back, ask yourself the same questions from above, and try again.
 
Dear mothers, bless you.  This job is not for the fainthearted, so it is a good thing that you are not that.  Trust your inner compass and reach out to your tribe.  Intuition is here to guide us, if only we can take a breath and listen.
 
 
 

You just a baby and received your placenta capsules.  You are so excited (like really, really excited!) and also tired (like so, so tired!) and not only do you not retain anything your encapsulationist told you about your caps, you also misplaced the instruction booklet amongst the hundreds (literally, hundreds!) pieces of paper that accompany a new baby (coupons, baby cards, gift cards, weeks of unopened mail, medical docs... you know what I mean, right?).

It's three months later, you're returning to a new normal (maybe? sort of? at least pretending to?), and you come across your leftover placenta caps.

Now what?

I always tell my clients that I hope they'll use up their caps in the first 6-8 weeks postpartum.  My opinion is that this is when they will be of most benefit to new moms, as their bodies are undergoing the huge adjustment from being pregnant to not being pregnant.  This is not to say that they will not be useful later than that, just that I suspect the benefit is greater when they are used closer to birth. (I regularly use my placenta tincture from my last baby, who is almost two, with great benefit.  Excuse me while I go mourn the loss of his childhood.)

That said, things happen.  Sometimes capsules get forgotten in the crazy.  Sometimes a placenta is amazingly ginormous and there are just more caps than are needed. Whatever the reason for leftover caps, there comes the inevitable question: How should I store my capsules long-term?

Once you are not taking your capsules regularly I suggest double-bagging them in freezer bags.  I always include a desiccant pack in my clients' capsules so be sure to include that if you have one. Then, store in the back of the fridge (or, a deep freezer if you have one).  This minimizes the risk of capsules being subjected to temperature changes. This is important because the one thing that will make them unsuitable for use is the presence of mold. If caps are subjected to lots of temperature change (as can happen in locations like freezer doors, bathrooms, our the kitchen) this can lead to moisture from condensation and, given the opportunity of a warm climate, mold can develop. Freezing temps will suppress mold growth but it doesn't kill mold. 

Assuming your capsules have been processed properly (this means absolutely no oven drying and making sure they have been dehydrated long enough), mold will not magically occur.  

Oh no!, you say.  I've had my caps in my fridge for the past three years!  Or, they've been sitting in my cabinet for the past eight months!  Are they ruined?

I will always advise you to inspect your caps.  Open one up if you need to.  If you see mold, toss 'em.  If they smell spoiled, toss 'em.  But if they look and smell fine and you feel comfortable to take them, use those babies.

One final note:  We suspect that the quality of the caps will degrade over time, especially at colder temperatures.  Think of meat that is stored in the freezer for a year or more.  You can still eat it with freezer burn, but it probably doesn't taste so great.  So again, focus on using those caps within a few months of giving birth to experience greater benefits.

I recently read this article that give a bunch of stats about Americans and our stuff; I very nearly cried.  Thinking about all the stuff that my family has accumulated over time - much of it related to our kids - and how the physical clutter adds to mental clutter is a bit sobering.  Take a look at the staggering statistics that are listed and tell me you don't feel a small nudge to get on with less.  If you're on board, here are a few tips for living with less with regards to little ones.

1.  Before the baby comes stick to the necessities.  For the ultimate minimalist that would look something like diapers, 2-3 outfits, a couple blankets and a baby wrap or stroller.  If you birth in an American hospital you are required to have a proper car seat before you are discharged, so there's that.  Things you may think are necessities - a crib, mobile, books, toys, baby bath tub, tiny UGGs, to name a few - may not actually be things that you put to great use.  


And if you find that they are...

2. Acquire things as the need arises.  Before you are actually living your life with your child it's hard to pinpoint which crazy gadget is going to add to your life and which one is going to take from it.  When my first was born we lived in a 400-sq-ft, one-bedroom apartment and had no room or need for a crib.  So, we didn't have one.  Six months later when we were getting ready  for a three-week vacation we knew that with our set-up a pack-n-play would be a huge help as our rental had a pool that we'd be lounging by a lot.  It was a time to acquire.  

A great way to do this is...

3. Buy things second-hand (or get it for free).  Seriously. EVERYTHING.  I'll start with clothes.  Kids grow so fast from birth to three years that often things are only worn a handful of times. I occasionally found myself changing my kids just to make sure they wore every outfit. Wraps and carriers have entire sites dedicated to selling and trading.  People can't seem to get rid of their kid gear fast enough it seems, so keep an eye open. Thrift stores, Craigslist, yard sales (both real and virtual) and your friends are all burgeoning with clothes that you can score for free or very cheap.  Beware, hopping aboard the hand-me-down train can still lead to excess, says She-Who-Speaks-From-Experience (ahem).  But, if you're like me, you'll find that when you get something for free or cheap it's easier to pass it on than if you've put some serious cash into it.  One item that I am hesitant to get second-hand, unless it's from an extremely trusted resource, is a car seat.  Car seats should be trashed if they've ever been in an accident.  They also have expiration dates (typically 5-6 years, though some are longer) so take that into consideration.

Here's a story about my favorite free kids score.  When my first son was one and a half he was starting to show interest in using the toilet.  One morning I popped him in the car to go to our fabulous local kids' consignment store Hand Me Downs (don't worry, no actual kids are consigned here). On the way to the store, there was a potty by the side of the road.  Did you hear me? A POTTY BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.  I'm sure you're thinking, 'oh, that's gross, who would stop and pick that up to take home for first-born?'  ME, ladies and gentlemen, that's who.

Stay tuned for Part II where I'll talk about avoiding the clutter with slightly older kids.  

Perhaps after reading this blog title you are thinking what I was thinking just after I typed it out: BOOOOOORRR-INGGGGG.

But, if you've read even this far then you are probably as desperate as I have been to figure out how to not drink only coffee throughout your day.  

Confession: One particularly long day after my third baby was born, it was evening and I realized I had only had coffee to drink ALL DAY LONG.  I quickly solved that problem... with a gin & tonic.  But don't worry, that's not one of my 'tips'.  Just know that we are all there in the trenches, doing the best we can to not wither away like a worm on a sidewalk in August.

Back to business.  Hydration is important.  In pregnancy a lack of hydration can lead to excessive Braxton Hicks contractions; it can cause your care provider to fear 'low fluid levels' (a serious but wildly overused diagnosis often leading to the proposition of induction); it can just make you drag along, as if the third trimester weren't trying enough already.

After birth, hydration is just as important as your body is adjusting back to pre-pregnancy hormone levels, replenishing itself after the labors of... you know, and as you build and maintain an awesome milk supply for your sweetest babe.  

Even for those that are not pregnating or post-partuming hydration is extremely important.  You may have recently seen this story about a woman consuming one gallon of water a day for a month and her awesome results.

Truth: Water is good for us.
Truth: Most of us struggle to get enough.

Tip #1: Flavor It
After I had my last baby I had a daily ritual of brewing three quarts of extremely weak herbal tea each morning.  I am able to drink a lot more water if it has a little flavor to it (a habit picked up from my Crystal Light days which are long gone, thank goodness) and I got double benefit by using herbal teas like red raspberry leaf and mother's milk that are so nourishing to the postpartum body.  I enjoyed my tea both warmed and cooled, and would use two tea bags for three quarts of tea.  Nowadays I'm using lemon juice to seal the deal and come summertime I may turn to cucumbers for the ultimate refreshment.

Tip #2: Use a Straw
Some people aren't straw people, but I am.  For some reason it's easier to suck down a lot of hydration through a straw.  I'm partial to my wide, glass straw that is reusable and helps more liquid travel quickly.  If you are not a straw person then I guess my tip for you is: Don't Use a Straw.

Tip #3: Set Up for Success
Like I mentioned in #1, I had a morning ritual for my tea, which got all my liquids front and center for the entire day.  By having my goal amount of water sitting out every time I pass the counter, I am much more likely to swig more down throughout the day. I also set little goals for myself like "drink one quart before lunch", or, "after I finish this quart I can have my coffee".  Note that coffee incentives should only be used when you are going to have your coffee whether you drink your water or not.  Do not - I repeat, DO NOT start drinking coffee in an effort to drink more water.  You will lose and Starbucks will win.

So, that's it. Go forth and be hydrated!

(Hypothetically speaking, of course.)

You just had your third baby.  And by "just" you really mean months ago.  But, it's been icy and snowy and cold and... stuff, and so you find yourself venturing out for a walk with ALL THE CHILDREN for the first time.

Oh, the first time.  Scary?  Exciting? 

Overwhelming.

You are still many, many minutes from when you have agreed to be at a certain place.  You are also many, many minutes from convincing yourself that this is going to happen.

You change the meeting place, going for something a bit more realistic.  (Nice move.)

You make a mental check list of all that must be done: travel arrangements, diaper bag, teeth brushed (yours, not theirs), get dressed (you again, not them).

Then, you pare it down: veto the cloth diapers.  Veto the clothes change (your pjs look like your clothes look like your pjs look like your clothes... this is acceptable for at least the first six months, yes?  Please say yes, oh please say yes.)  Crank on the screen to keep the kids settled while you settle yourself.

After what seems like years, you and your little ones make your Grand Exit; or rather, your Grand Entrance into the world as a mother with her three darlings, appearing for the very first time!  

You take a deep breath and head on your way.  You've made it*.

(Hypothetically speaking, you are also two minutes early which is a true, low-and-behold miracle not to be discounted. Hallelujah.)

(*This refers to this day only.  You still have 18 years ahead of.  Sigh.  And, Hallelujah!)

It's a bit of a stretch to say that encapsulating one's placenta has fully entered the mainstream pipeline for new mothers (though, it's getting there!).  And, it's a downright lie to say that using a mother tincture (or, placenta tincture) is commonplace.

I'd like to change that.

First, an explanation.

A tincture is simply an extract of plant or animal matter - in this case, it would be from your placenta.  It is usually alcohol-based (I use single ingredient potato vodka in order to serve those that avoid gluten), which means that it lasts and lasts and last and... you get the idea.

The placenta is added to the vodka and agitated frequently over a period of time.  In the case of my Mother Tincture (or Placenta Tincture), it is ready to use after six weeks.

As a placenta product that's ingested, the Mother Tincture works much like the pills do.  It's thought to regulate and balance out hormones, which in turn can affect our emotional state.  

So why would someone want pills and a Mother Tincture?

Since the tincture takes about six weeks to become useful, having the pills in the immediate postpartum period is definitely going to yield the most benefit in the short-term.  Most encapsulators work to get the pills into the hands of their clients by two or three days postpartum. (Day four is typically when new moms experience the greatest hormonal shift after birth.)  Assuming there are not timing obstacles, I get pills back to my clients before they even leave the hospital.  The tincture, on the other hand, is a great option for accessing long-term benefits.  Not only does its shelf-life extend an exceptionally long time, but the dosage - typically 1-3 drops at a time - means that the quantity lasts and lasts as well. I provide my clients with four ounces of tincture, along with a smaller bottle and dropper to keep handy.

Now, here's the thing that I LOVE about the tincture (and, I'm so glad that when I found out about tincture, I still had some of my last batch of placenta pills to make my own).  Mother Tincture is a great remedy to have in your cabinet for those times in the months and years to come when you or your child experience hormonal and emotional shifts.  

Some uses for you:
Return of your first cycle after birth
General PMS
Emotional Times: leaving child at daycare, life changes, etc.
Menopause

Some uses for your child:
Your daughter's first cycle
First day of school
Puberty
Other times of emotional or hormonal challenge

While I am not qualified to make medical claims (and the suggestions for tincture use should not be taken as such) more and more research is being done on the benefits found within the placenta.  I'm excited to see what is discovered regarding the benefits of the placenta in the coming years.

So, how about a nice placenta tincture to round out your next postpartum experience?

One thing I noticed quickly upon entering the birth world was that it seemed a lot of women experienced a disappointing (on the good end) to traumatic (on the bad end) birth with their first baby that led them to want something different with subsequent babies.

I am all for learning from our experiences and being able to look back and say, "Wow!  I'm so proud of what I know now!"  However, having a negative birth experience under your belt should not be the requirement to achieving a great one.

When women ask me what I think is important in having a 'good birth' (which is completely subjective, you should know; only you get to determine if your birth experience met your expectations), one thing I always suggest is choosing a care provider carefully.  

What's tricky about this is that we often aren't sure about the ins and outs of what we want our birth to look like until we are close to the actual birth, itself!  While it is certainly possible (and a woman's prerogative) to switch providers at any point during pregnancy, the further along you are the more daunting it can feel.  Here are a couple tips for finding a provider that shares your outlook.



1. Research!  Early on in your pregnancy, or better yet - before you conceive, talk to those friends that have raved about their births.  What made it great for them?  Read positive birth stories (check out this and this to start) to hear stories of women that really felt empowered in their births.  Then, assess what YOU connect with.  The freedom to claim the epidural upon entering the hospital?  The language the caregiver used with the client?  Pushing as the client chose and not as someone else directed?    

2. Referrals! Get names from friends that had birth experiences you wouldn't mind having as well.  Your OB may be *GREAT* at pap smears and helping you sort out birth control options, but perhaps is less practiced in extending patient autonomy during the throes of labor.  These are the things to know!

3. Ask the detailed questions early on!  Say you want a water birth in the hospital.  Your care provider might be fine with it, but perhaps the hospital you plan to birth at has restrictions in place.  Things like this, when learned in the first or early second trimester, can more easily be addressed than if you discover them at your 38-week appointment.  Give yourself some time to jump the hurdles.

4. Be honest!  Remember, you employ your care provider.  When you are looking for a company to give your home a new roof or you're getting estimates for a painting job, you get to be crystal-clear about your desires and expectations.  Hiring a care provider to oversee your pregnancy and birth is no different (though, one might argue far more important).  Be explicit in what it is you're wanting in your birth and care provider experience, and don't be afraid to speak up if those expectations aren't met along the way.

The are so many great birthing options in Evanston and the surrounding areas.  If you aren't clicking with your provider, do a little research and find the care provider of your dreams!

I host a monthly meet-up group for families that are interested in homebirth. (Wait!  If that's not you, don't stop reading!  I promise this isn't about homebirth!)  Our most recent topic was on preparing siblings for birth and I gave a short presentation on some key points to focus on.  In this post, I've tweaked my homebirth talk to apply to preparing older siblings to welcome a new sibling into the family, regardless of where the birth takes place.

When bringing home a new sibling, remember to PREP:

PRACTICE some aspects of life as they will be like after the baby arrives.  Maybe this means that your older kids learn to get into their car seats by themselves without you lifting them up.  Maybe they learn how to prepare simple snacks for themselves (and you!) so that you can have a little downtime while you're in the middle of a marathon breastfeeding session.  Remember to keep it age-appropriate and start your practice far enough in advance that it becomes the new normal.

REVIEW stories about birth and bringing babies home.  Perhaps you have pictures from the birth of your older children; view them together.  Go to the library and check out books about the arrival of new siblings.  Let them know how wonderful it was when you brought them home the first time.  Build their excitement around welcoming a new brother or sister into the family!

ENGAGE your older children in preparation for the baby.  Have them help you pack your hospital bag, and explain why you want your fluffy robe and your own toothpaste at the hospital.  Ask their input on setting up the nursery or on which toys they think baby will want first.  Let them pick out baby's coming home outfit.  You want to communicate that this change includes them, not excludes them.

PASS (ON) as much immediate care of older siblings and household responsibilities as you can in the days (and weeks or even months, if you can) following your homecoming.  Give yourself - and your new baby - the gift of acclimating to each other and recovering from birth; give your older children the gift of someone with the capacity to offer their full attention and engagement in ways you may not be able to quite yet.  This can be one of the trickiest aspects of having a baby to pull off, so be sure to think about this earlier than later.

Good luck on your journey in parenting two... or three, or four, or more!